I’ve loved reading your journey through these past few articles. What a brilliant idea to use the hi-vis to enforce accountability! I’ve learned through my experiments that any new habit is as good as the system you set up to support you with it, you found a really effective one.
Thank you! That's really kind of you to say so and hugely appreciated.
I absolutely love your experiments. And I've realised - very belatedly - that experiments is literally the only way. If one believes, as I do, that carving out mental rest is the thing, then trial and error is everything.
I also think part of the power of experiments is that our brain understands through its own experience that something is good or bad. It’s like I can’t register the information from reading someone else’s experience, I need to experience the lesson and then reach a conclusion for myself. Experiments help you follow that thread
You provoke the most interesting thoughts as I read your articles Will. With this article you have become Hester Prynne. In this classic American novel, The Scarlet Letter, she is condemned to wear the mark that advertises her adultery to her community….as if they didn’t already know. She was condemned. You placed this punishment on yourself. Advertising to everyone around you one of three things. 1. You are judging those on their phones or 2. You are punishing yourself.
or 3. You are trying to save those around you from their phones.
So interesting. I, and I do not consider this a strength, am easily able to rest my mind. Turn off and relax with freshly polished nails that need to dry, lie in the sun for nothing but the enjoyment of it, or being trapped under a cat (this one is currently occurring while I read and respond).
Balance your message. I get that. I will continue with my strategy. Completing a task before checking my phone to quell my compulsive nature of checking and rechecking meaningless things.
The connections lost. That is what scares me. That is where my mind will stay for a while. I had an amazing day with my son yesterday. Small parts included the phone. Creating more connections with those I care about is where my energy will lie.
Thank you so so much for such a kind comment. I confess I had never heard of Hester Prynne but having read more I am honoured by the comparison! How wonderful - another book to read added to the pile.
Your three reasons. I am genuinely first and foremost doing this for myself. I cannot deny that (3) comes into it more than a little, but that really only comes in the Substack writing and the commuters don't really read that. (1) The judgement - I would like to think not. 99 per cent of me sees myself in the scrollers and knows how tired they feel after a long day. Every now and then there is a 1 percent that says "dude what are you doing?" But it's not a side of myself I like.
The other day I found myself imagining myself as a medieval fool - in both a good and bad way.
That's fascinating that you are so easily able to rest your mind. I am jealous. I have always seen mine as a lumbering thing that will not turn on a dime. I either slow it down every day, or it's going too fast to suddenly stop. (I'll work on that metaphor).
I think your rule is excellent. If it works, it works. And that's all there is to it. A lot of people have bounded it on time, but bounding it the way you do is really clever.
Connections. Yes. I joked about it in the previous piece, but there's much in meditation literature that might take people away from connection and that seems like a wrong turn all together. I won't be able to compress this well, but throughout the journey one encounters Impermanence a lot. First I read about it, and then it kept coming up on the cushion. That makes one look at one's growing children a certain way. I'll try and put that better when I have time.
Yes, accountability. Even with knowing everything I now know, it seems necessary and exceptionally effective. Sometimes on the way home (not often) I won’t wear it. Maybe because it’s not a “normal” commute if I’m leaving early, or I’m going to see a friend or I need theoretically to be in touch with family.
And on those times I try to not use the phone, but often fail.
I did read what the A was for! I am really looking forward to reading the book.
These are the times to cherish Will. I lost my first to college last year. 9 months of the year away is a tremendous blow, and she is all of the way across the continent. A year before she left is when it became real. We went from a life where nearly every day had events… XC and track, tennis, soccer, academic competitions , leadership events, 4H to….gone. It’s a shocking blow.
That's such an exceptionally kind comment! Thank you so much for reading.
I am SO terrible with habits. As you'll have gleaned, the mirror moment taught me exactly why - turns out there was never really a “me” whose willpower I could rely on. Understanding that didn't fix the habit on its own, but it did explain why only very well structured habits seem to work.
One day soon I'll do a post on all the structures that enforced my (traditional) meditation habit. It was quite the scaffold. Involved fining myself.
Excellent article. Deep and funny at the same time, not an easy balance to strike but you do it with panache.
Thank you so much!
Really appreciate you reading, and that means an awful lot coming from you.
Getting meditation to land as funny without losing what's real in it is exactly the thing I'm chasing - glad it's working.
I’ve loved reading your journey through these past few articles. What a brilliant idea to use the hi-vis to enforce accountability! I’ve learned through my experiments that any new habit is as good as the system you set up to support you with it, you found a really effective one.
Thank you! That's really kind of you to say so and hugely appreciated.
I absolutely love your experiments. And I've realised - very belatedly - that experiments is literally the only way. If one believes, as I do, that carving out mental rest is the thing, then trial and error is everything.
I also think part of the power of experiments is that our brain understands through its own experience that something is good or bad. It’s like I can’t register the information from reading someone else’s experience, I need to experience the lesson and then reach a conclusion for myself. Experiments help you follow that thread
“The tool I needed was being a tool” is embracing the suck with a sweet poetry! 👌🏼. Great pitch for meditation!
Ha! Thank you!
I've often wondered why meditation stuff is so serious when the overall concept is intrinsically funny.
We need more creativity in how we talk about all this stuff. Like your wonderful Snoopy v The Red Baron piece.
You provoke the most interesting thoughts as I read your articles Will. With this article you have become Hester Prynne. In this classic American novel, The Scarlet Letter, she is condemned to wear the mark that advertises her adultery to her community….as if they didn’t already know. She was condemned. You placed this punishment on yourself. Advertising to everyone around you one of three things. 1. You are judging those on their phones or 2. You are punishing yourself.
or 3. You are trying to save those around you from their phones.
So interesting. I, and I do not consider this a strength, am easily able to rest my mind. Turn off and relax with freshly polished nails that need to dry, lie in the sun for nothing but the enjoyment of it, or being trapped under a cat (this one is currently occurring while I read and respond).
Balance your message. I get that. I will continue with my strategy. Completing a task before checking my phone to quell my compulsive nature of checking and rechecking meaningless things.
The connections lost. That is what scares me. That is where my mind will stay for a while. I had an amazing day with my son yesterday. Small parts included the phone. Creating more connections with those I care about is where my energy will lie.
Thanks for the food for thought.
Thank you so so much for such a kind comment. I confess I had never heard of Hester Prynne but having read more I am honoured by the comparison! How wonderful - another book to read added to the pile.
Your three reasons. I am genuinely first and foremost doing this for myself. I cannot deny that (3) comes into it more than a little, but that really only comes in the Substack writing and the commuters don't really read that. (1) The judgement - I would like to think not. 99 per cent of me sees myself in the scrollers and knows how tired they feel after a long day. Every now and then there is a 1 percent that says "dude what are you doing?" But it's not a side of myself I like.
The other day I found myself imagining myself as a medieval fool - in both a good and bad way.
That's fascinating that you are so easily able to rest your mind. I am jealous. I have always seen mine as a lumbering thing that will not turn on a dime. I either slow it down every day, or it's going too fast to suddenly stop. (I'll work on that metaphor).
I think your rule is excellent. If it works, it works. And that's all there is to it. A lot of people have bounded it on time, but bounding it the way you do is really clever.
Connections. Yes. I joked about it in the previous piece, but there's much in meditation literature that might take people away from connection and that seems like a wrong turn all together. I won't be able to compress this well, but throughout the journey one encounters Impermanence a lot. First I read about it, and then it kept coming up on the cushion. That makes one look at one's growing children a certain way. I'll try and put that better when I have time.
Thank you again!
And now I have a wonder about the vest.
Do you wear it to help hold yourself accountable? Like touching your phone when you wear it would look totally ridiculous.
and about Hester…did you read what the A was for?
Yes, accountability. Even with knowing everything I now know, it seems necessary and exceptionally effective. Sometimes on the way home (not often) I won’t wear it. Maybe because it’s not a “normal” commute if I’m leaving early, or I’m going to see a friend or I need theoretically to be in touch with family.
And on those times I try to not use the phone, but often fail.
I did read what the A was for! I am really looking forward to reading the book.
These are the times to cherish Will. I lost my first to college last year. 9 months of the year away is a tremendous blow, and she is all of the way across the continent. A year before she left is when it became real. We went from a life where nearly every day had events… XC and track, tennis, soccer, academic competitions , leadership events, 4H to….gone. It’s a shocking blow.
It really sounds like it.
Not long for us, 5 years or so. Something to prepare for.
One might use the commute to read a book instead, as so many before you did.
Well… that would have saved me a lot of bother.
I'm intrigued by your journey! I definitely need to work on this too. Great read!
Don’t we all! :-)
Thanks so much for reading.
The image of Will standing on a train platform, vest blowing in the wind, superhero-esq may live with me forever!
Ha! Thank you!
Truly the world’s least impressive superhero - Non Checking Phone Guy
That's such an exceptionally kind comment! Thank you so much for reading.
I am SO terrible with habits. As you'll have gleaned, the mirror moment taught me exactly why - turns out there was never really a “me” whose willpower I could rely on. Understanding that didn't fix the habit on its own, but it did explain why only very well structured habits seem to work.
One day soon I'll do a post on all the structures that enforced my (traditional) meditation habit. It was quite the scaffold. Involved fining myself.
Thank you!
Onwards! Phone fiddling never sleeps :-)