Second Week, First Benefits

Turning the evening commute into a post-work decompression chamber: early data from the Lab

When I started, I did so because I wanted I write about what it felt like.

But in order to actually go fully Phone Free - with my embarrassing history of failing - I felt I needed to make a pretty big commitment. The idiot vest.

At least for the first few days, I’d be lying if I said that that whole endeavour hasn’t been a bit distracting. At the start, at least 90% of my thoughts were “OMG I look like such a fool”. However, that’s starting to subside now as I settle into my new fool existence.

I’m getting the first preliminary results of the effects of two hours each day with nothing to do. I’ve looked at boredom from both sides now.

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And here’s where I’m at:

Going Phone Free on the morning commute is easier - but less immediately useful.

Going Phone Free on the evening commute is harder - but more immediately useful.

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MORNING

When I first learnt to meditate, I did so in the morning, so when I imagined moving it onto the train, I thought it would be the main event. I found myself writing about the 9.17.

And yes, in the morning, it’s a little easier to feel like I’m achieving some sort of momentary calm. Every now and then, I increasingly think “oh how nice, I don’t have to receive any new information for quite a few minutes”. If I close my eyes and listen to the sound of the train, I can get near pleasant… until I get told to “See It Say It Sorted” again.

But then when I arrive at work… Honestly, I don’t feel any different really. I get on with work. I’m not sure I’m necessarily thrilled that I commuted phone free, or feel much benefit from having done so.

I do believe there is a benefit to be had in the long term by doing this on the morning commute. That listening to the sounds of the train day by day can, over time, be good for you. But, for me at least, there’s no benefit in the moment.

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EVENING

This is the really interesting one.

The evening commute is FAR less pleasant. Same cocktail of urges to use the phone, boredom and (fading) self-consciousness.

But most powerfully, I’m also being hit by waves of regret from the day at work. They come in two key soundtracks:

• Oh no! Why did I say that? featuring I’m such an idiot and Do they hate me?

• Oh god, I still need to do that featuring Maybe I should make a note of that immediately and Let’s try and imagine we need to do six weeks of work RIGHT NOW

These little punches of worry are really unpleasant. And it’s really tempting to pick up the phone to distract myself from them. And now I can’t.

So the evening commute is a much less pleasant experience.

BUT when I do actually get home, I’m glad I did it.

It’s early days, but I THINK I feel better at home than I normally do in the evenings. That’s probably partly because I’ve let my mind slow down naturally, and not amp’d it up by more checking and fixing and Sainsbury’s apps and emails and LinkedIn and Candy Crush.

But it’s partly I think because I’ve kind of accepted the worries from the day. Not resolved, but accepted.

Because I didn’t distract myself with my phone, I’ve sat with those negative thoughts a bit now. So they have become a little quieter.

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HERE COME THE WORK WORRIES

It feels like Week 2 is a new phase.

As I relax into looking like a total banana, more and more of the time I’m going to be preoccupied by the work day about to begin or just gone.

Work worries have been a HUGE thing for me throughout my life. From Sunday Blues through to sudden stabs of panic, through to the increasing number of days it takes me to finally relax into a holiday. I don’t have a hard job, and I work with lovely colleagues. All of the fear comes from me.

And, over the years, I’ve come to believe that 24/7 phone use makes this fear a lot worse.

Every time I distract myself from work fear by using my phone, my work fear responds by turning up the volume - until the Sunday Blues become a permanent soundtrack.

I’ve realized that even when I leave the building, I carry a little Office In My Head cast onto the train.

On Thursday, I’m going to introduce you to its most persistent employee—the one who keeps chattering to me all the way home.