Okay I love this, but I must admit I’m not great at it. You describe it here like meditation, and I suppose if I consciously do it this way I can stay quiet. More often than not, if I’m in a situation where nothing is playing around me and I’m not looking at any screen, I realise waaaay later that I’m definitely not staying silent myself. I end up humming or singing. Does that ever happen to you or are you able to just stay perfectly quiet?
My bad! Every time I write on here I fall over myself with words. Here I’ve fallen over two, silence and meditation… which is not a great hit rate frankly is it, given the article.
So first up - I do tend to hum, sing, tap the steering wheel, talk to myself. All sorts. Meanwhile my mind is chuntering away. By silence, I meant only no radio or podcast. Definitely should have clarified that.
And then meditation… such a broad term, and as you know includes a lot of different practices. So yes, for those practices that aim at focus and value internal silence, driving is a terrible place. During those periods when I was shooting for this, I only ever achieved it in my spare room, and it would take quite a few minutes to build it up to it. I wrote a bit about it in The End Of The Line, if you are curious.
Here I’m talking more about the type of meditation which is very happy to see thoughts come and go, it only aims at the recognition of that. Whether the mind is quiet or not, it’s all good. While never easy - perhaps maybe more challenging - it’s a practice that is more possible in lots of places, driving being one of them.
I hope I have the right end of the stick, apologies if not.
Not driving, but one way I cut down noise in a small but meaningful way is while I eat breakfast. I come home from the gym, prepare my yogurt/berries/granola, and sit and eat with no other form of entertainment or distraction. It took some getting used to (so easy to scan Substack or check emails on my phone) but has been a great change that helps me settle into the day.
That’s a great one. Simple, easy to follow, all of that. I know of many people who implement no phones at the table rules for their benefit of their kids. You’re the first person I’ve heard of who imposes it on himself - very smart little rule.
Every time I write about silence I then feel duty bound to acknowledge how horrific it can be, lest I appear like one of those smug “just put down the phone and be” types who include a photo of a coffee and a garden. I’m sure that’s possible in good time, it’s just - for me at least - not what happens first up.
Thank you for reading and happy Not Girl Summer (hmm - need to work on that branding).
I’ve long come to believe that the brain will never stop chattering. Over many months it’s slowed down a touch, meaning there are gaps. But has convinced me that aiming at a clear head is a waste of time.
I often say the benefits for me are 24/7 rather than felt in the moment, but I’m with you on doing my best work - all my ideas (whatever their merit :-)) come to me in the silence.
Thank you. 🙏🏻 On the bright side it opens up lots of silence avenues to discover. There will be lots of silent hermits, loners, lonely people who crave conversation, mute people to name but a few - a whole world of silence for you to silently explore. I forgot to add on my silent car journeys - time can evaporate if I’m deep in thought. One time I missed a junction and didn’t realise until I popped out on the wrong motorway. It made me horrendously late; but also made me realise that I need to wake up and not end up in a thought rabbit hole! Silence can be distracting - its practice requires vigilance!! 🤣
But that sounds quite appealing (the rabbit hole, not the lateness). You make me realise that I came at silence all this time to USE it for something. There was absolutely none of it in my life at all, I always covered it all up. And then at a certain point in my phone battle I decided meditation would help. I did that, and it expanded into incidental periods. So in those incidental periods I was always using a meditation practice, ie concentrating on something (anything) and noticing and bringing it back. I never ever just let the mind wander. Perhaps I should have, I don't know!
At a certain point in the practice I dropped the focus, and do let the mind wander - but always very much as a technique (non dual awareness is a term for it). So it is mind wandering I suppose, but still some sort of practice.
Hmm. Language turns in on itself rather when talking about this stuff!
My brain is my life planning tool. So my thoughts are often meetings with myself to co-ordinate how I feel about things that happen in my life - business, work, pleasure, social interactions, negative and positive, how am I going to instigate the changes I want to make, thinking about my kids what support they need. Writing ideas, pitches and things I need to do and prioritise. Although there is no agenda or time setting but it’s a good opportunity to straighten my mental world. There is no silence though 🤣
I love that you think it was a mindful conscious choice. The reality of being a mum of 2 kids (now flown), freelance, husband (now widowed), household to run - it was kinetic constantly and noisy. So solo trips to meetings or moments of solitude were rare so I just drove in silence. If I am alone - I am silent - I don’t talk to myself out loud. I enjoy the silence of solitude; but it just happens - I don’t choose it.
My bad! I am so into thinking a certain way on this stuff that that had never occurred to me! For whatever reason, I have become used to talking about my own experience of closing off all silence as if it's universal.
It's not really hard as it's a nice walk with lots of interesting things to see. Getting the bus or driving would only be slightly quicker due to rush hour traffic anyway and I start the day off feeling more energised if I walk with my own thoughts.
As I hope is clear from the piece, while I am pretty sure driving silent would help a lot, it wasn't my first rodeo when it came to doing nothing - I already had a bit of meditation behind me. If it's yours, would be really interested to hear how you get on.
I will check out your pieces on meditation first. I've been doing it a lot at different stages in my life but never really siccked to it properly… it's a good tip though. Driving in complete silence sounds pretty challenging at first, I can hear my thoughts racing towards me!! One step at a time.
Hope you enjoy them! But to save you all the effort (!)
I’ve come to believe that meditation likely has two components, mental rest (which likely happens regardless when you cease input) and insight. The latter sounds lofty, but (for me at least) means a gradual change in relationship with your thoughts - a sense they pop up rather than being something you authored. This insight will happen over time the more you try and focus on something fixed (the road, the noise of the fridge, your breath) and recognise that thoughts just arise that pull you away from that. After all… if “you” were trying to concentrate on the road, where did they come from?
Insight is beneficial in all sorts of ways, but it also makes the mental rest a bit more bearable over time. Because as you say, the strong likelihood is that switching off any input you will be assailed by a million negative thoughts (mainly for me it’s about how my boss hates me!). I suspect this tide of negativity is likely worse for people because our phones have eradicated our mental rest. The insight bit gradually makes this tide of nonsense more bearable, and over time pleasant. In my view.
What a reply!! Thank you for taking the time to write. I really appreciate it. I actually took a screenshot to read it again! Mental rest and insight… really good points. What have these phones done to us/what did we accept to happen?? We need to work on this. Thank you for your work!
You are very welcome! As you may have gleaned, I really really enjoy talking about this stuff. Honestly it is such a pleasure when people are interested, and I sincerely hope it helps.
Okay I love this, but I must admit I’m not great at it. You describe it here like meditation, and I suppose if I consciously do it this way I can stay quiet. More often than not, if I’m in a situation where nothing is playing around me and I’m not looking at any screen, I realise waaaay later that I’m definitely not staying silent myself. I end up humming or singing. Does that ever happen to you or are you able to just stay perfectly quiet?
Hello!
My bad! Every time I write on here I fall over myself with words. Here I’ve fallen over two, silence and meditation… which is not a great hit rate frankly is it, given the article.
So first up - I do tend to hum, sing, tap the steering wheel, talk to myself. All sorts. Meanwhile my mind is chuntering away. By silence, I meant only no radio or podcast. Definitely should have clarified that.
And then meditation… such a broad term, and as you know includes a lot of different practices. So yes, for those practices that aim at focus and value internal silence, driving is a terrible place. During those periods when I was shooting for this, I only ever achieved it in my spare room, and it would take quite a few minutes to build it up to it. I wrote a bit about it in The End Of The Line, if you are curious.
Here I’m talking more about the type of meditation which is very happy to see thoughts come and go, it only aims at the recognition of that. Whether the mind is quiet or not, it’s all good. While never easy - perhaps maybe more challenging - it’s a practice that is more possible in lots of places, driving being one of them.
I hope I have the right end of the stick, apologies if not.
Hard relate to the under-the-dashboard middle fingers! 😆
They are so instinctive! I strongly feel their volume per month should be a widely recognised mindfulness scale.
Although I accept there are confounds - people round here drive really badly :-)
Not driving, but one way I cut down noise in a small but meaningful way is while I eat breakfast. I come home from the gym, prepare my yogurt/berries/granola, and sit and eat with no other form of entertainment or distraction. It took some getting used to (so easy to scan Substack or check emails on my phone) but has been a great change that helps me settle into the day.
That’s a great one. Simple, easy to follow, all of that. I know of many people who implement no phones at the table rules for their benefit of their kids. You’re the first person I’ve heard of who imposes it on himself - very smart little rule.
Yeah we do no phones at dinner as well (although my kids don’t have them yet so it’s more for the adults).
I’m trying to observe your mental rest principle more. This summer will hopefully have a good deal of staring into the middle distance in it.
Very good luck to you!
Every time I write about silence I then feel duty bound to acknowledge how horrific it can be, lest I appear like one of those smug “just put down the phone and be” types who include a photo of a coffee and a garden. I’m sure that’s possible in good time, it’s just - for me at least - not what happens first up.
Thank you for reading and happy Not Girl Summer (hmm - need to work on that branding).
Terrifically practical! And great point on the capability of mentally resting while active.
Thank you my friend!
I have to say I normally steer clear of being even slightly practical, but thought hey it’s Summer, let’s go crazy :-)
I often drive in silence. Although my brain is rarely silent. I can do my best work driving in silence. It’s a form of thought filing.
Interesting! How did you get started?
I’ve long come to believe that the brain will never stop chattering. Over many months it’s slowed down a touch, meaning there are gaps. But has convinced me that aiming at a clear head is a waste of time.
I often say the benefits for me are 24/7 rather than felt in the moment, but I’m with you on doing my best work - all my ideas (whatever their merit :-)) come to me in the silence.
Thank you. 🙏🏻 On the bright side it opens up lots of silence avenues to discover. There will be lots of silent hermits, loners, lonely people who crave conversation, mute people to name but a few - a whole world of silence for you to silently explore. I forgot to add on my silent car journeys - time can evaporate if I’m deep in thought. One time I missed a junction and didn’t realise until I popped out on the wrong motorway. It made me horrendously late; but also made me realise that I need to wake up and not end up in a thought rabbit hole! Silence can be distracting - its practice requires vigilance!! 🤣
I guess it does while driving! :-D
But that sounds quite appealing (the rabbit hole, not the lateness). You make me realise that I came at silence all this time to USE it for something. There was absolutely none of it in my life at all, I always covered it all up. And then at a certain point in my phone battle I decided meditation would help. I did that, and it expanded into incidental periods. So in those incidental periods I was always using a meditation practice, ie concentrating on something (anything) and noticing and bringing it back. I never ever just let the mind wander. Perhaps I should have, I don't know!
At a certain point in the practice I dropped the focus, and do let the mind wander - but always very much as a technique (non dual awareness is a term for it). So it is mind wandering I suppose, but still some sort of practice.
Hmm. Language turns in on itself rather when talking about this stuff!
My brain is my life planning tool. So my thoughts are often meetings with myself to co-ordinate how I feel about things that happen in my life - business, work, pleasure, social interactions, negative and positive, how am I going to instigate the changes I want to make, thinking about my kids what support they need. Writing ideas, pitches and things I need to do and prioritise. Although there is no agenda or time setting but it’s a good opportunity to straighten my mental world. There is no silence though 🤣
I love that you think it was a mindful conscious choice. The reality of being a mum of 2 kids (now flown), freelance, husband (now widowed), household to run - it was kinetic constantly and noisy. So solo trips to meetings or moments of solitude were rare so I just drove in silence. If I am alone - I am silent - I don’t talk to myself out loud. I enjoy the silence of solitude; but it just happens - I don’t choose it.
My bad! I am so into thinking a certain way on this stuff that that had never occurred to me! For whatever reason, I have become used to talking about my own experience of closing off all silence as if it's universal.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I don't drive much but my commute is a 50 minute walk which I have started doing in silence and have found it more enjoyable than I thought I would.
Really interesting. 50 minutes is quite a stretch. Can I ask... what's it like? Do you find it easy to stick to?
And have you noticed any benefits from doing it? I always suspect my own benefits come 24/7 rather than in the moment.
It's not really hard as it's a nice walk with lots of interesting things to see. Getting the bus or driving would only be slightly quicker due to rush hour traffic anyway and I start the day off feeling more energised if I walk with my own thoughts.
Oh I will definitely give this a try! Looking forward to the sunmmer series 📵📵📵
Thank you! Me too :-D
As I hope is clear from the piece, while I am pretty sure driving silent would help a lot, it wasn't my first rodeo when it came to doing nothing - I already had a bit of meditation behind me. If it's yours, would be really interested to hear how you get on.
I will check out your pieces on meditation first. I've been doing it a lot at different stages in my life but never really siccked to it properly… it's a good tip though. Driving in complete silence sounds pretty challenging at first, I can hear my thoughts racing towards me!! One step at a time.
Hope you enjoy them! But to save you all the effort (!)
I’ve come to believe that meditation likely has two components, mental rest (which likely happens regardless when you cease input) and insight. The latter sounds lofty, but (for me at least) means a gradual change in relationship with your thoughts - a sense they pop up rather than being something you authored. This insight will happen over time the more you try and focus on something fixed (the road, the noise of the fridge, your breath) and recognise that thoughts just arise that pull you away from that. After all… if “you” were trying to concentrate on the road, where did they come from?
Insight is beneficial in all sorts of ways, but it also makes the mental rest a bit more bearable over time. Because as you say, the strong likelihood is that switching off any input you will be assailed by a million negative thoughts (mainly for me it’s about how my boss hates me!). I suspect this tide of negativity is likely worse for people because our phones have eradicated our mental rest. The insight bit gradually makes this tide of nonsense more bearable, and over time pleasant. In my view.
What a reply!! Thank you for taking the time to write. I really appreciate it. I actually took a screenshot to read it again! Mental rest and insight… really good points. What have these phones done to us/what did we accept to happen?? We need to work on this. Thank you for your work!
You are very welcome! As you may have gleaned, I really really enjoy talking about this stuff. Honestly it is such a pleasure when people are interested, and I sincerely hope it helps.
Oh it does. I have already talked to my family about your work! We really try to be more mindful now about the screens!