The Evil Advisor Who Demands You Scroll
When you take a break from the phone, you confront the inner voice that tells you "one quick check won't hurt"
Why. Not. Just. Read. A. Book.
Someone asked me this the other day, slightly incredulously, and it would seem the most obvious thing in the world.
I want to use the silence to listen out for something elusive, fascinating and often just plain weird:
The secret inner voice that endlessly calls you back to the phone.
HOW THE PHONE LURES YOU BACK
I’d recommend experimenting with just five minutes. Just a short five minute break, and you can use the rest of your commute to get stuff done.
Set a timer and relax.
Well, kind of.
You might have imagined that taking an enforced break from your phone would be in some way pleasant. You might have heard about detoxes and pictured cartoon birds settling on your shoulder.
Ain’t going to happen unfortunately.
In reality, your mind is not going to like this - after all you’ve broken a pattern you’ve been doing every day. And the mind likes patterns. The mind just does what it did before. Look around you on the commute - we are all in a daily pattern.
Put your phone away for just a few minutes. And as if by magic, your mind will generate a reason to pull it out again.
It doesn’t just say “Get the damn phone out” in a Ray Winstone voice. The mind is cunning. In order to continue its ingrained habit it uses every trick in the book.
And actually, if you listen to the mind in the right mood, it’s almost entertaining…
THE WHISPERING VOICE
There you are, standing quietly on a train. You have put your phone on away and have committed to a short break from it.
But then you hear a quiet but enticing voice. It is like an Evil Advisor whispering in your ear. Master, it says… Master… The phone pausing thing is a very good idea. But perhaps we should check whether Owen Wilson WAS in that film as your wife seems to think? She surely cannot be correct, as we know it was only Ben Stiller.
No you might say, I have seen your tricks.
But then he returns in a more oily voice. But Master - remember that thing you wanted to say to the team about their lamentable quarterly financial report. Remember it, it was a good point. Perhaps you should make a little note on Google Keep, so you don’t forget. You will forget, Master.
No, you will say. You are right about the team and their poor drafting skills. They are weak and they do need my wise counsel. But Advisor, I have sworn to not look at my phone for five minutes, and this can wait.
The Advisor retorts quickly with a sudden shout - Urgent! We should do the Sainsbury’s shop! Remember the extra milk! I know you said you wanted to take a break from your phone, but if we do it now we won’t have to do it in special quality family time. For your own sake, and for the sake of your children, forget taking a break from your phone.
No, you say. I know what happens. When we check out, we get the spinning wheel thing because we are on a train and there is bad signal. No, Advisor, I will continue to take a break from my phone and do it later.
The Advisor scuttles into the corner. He appears hurt. But soon enough he comes to life with a smile. Does your mum definitely know she is picking up little Chloe from her music class? Does she, Master? Is little Chloe safe?
Thank you wise Advisor, you say. “I had better check.” Oh yeah, you see, you did already message your mum.
But then it hits you - it’s over. There’s obviously nothing wrong with keeping little Chloe safe. But your mind has successfully tricked you.
If you fail, please don’t worry. Just try again tomorrow - it gets easier day by day.
THE BUFFER: WHY THE EVENING COMMUTE IS THE KEY TO FEELING GOOD WHEN YOU GET HOME
All very interesting, but so what?
You might have noticed that taking a break from the phone on any given day feels both unpleasant and completely pointless.
Unpleasant yes, but pointless no.
The mind likes to keep doing whatever you use it for. Just by not using the phone on the commute, you’ll have reduced the urge to use it at your destination. You are resetting your baseline. If you are commuting home, you’ll feel less of that uneasy urge to check it while you’re with your loved ones.
But there’s another more powerful effect that takes place over time. By observing the mind’s call to use the phone, the plan is to - very gradually, day by day - teach the mind to recognise it at other times.
Increasingly, you’ll hear that inner voice asking you to pick up the phone and, instead of just picking up the phone automatically, you’ll get offered a choice. And you’ll have practised saying no.
[Images by AI, words all human]
Fantastic read, it reminds me of Marcus Arelius' "Directing Mind" idea from the meditations. I always imagined it like judo or something. So basically, your thesis is, to be more mindful and on the look out for the initial impulse, because the initial impulse has becomes something automatic that we do not have a choice over once we are fully hooked, and by becoming cognizant of the initial impulse we are then, at least, offered a chance to say no. Very very interesting.