This is such a powerful observation: ‘Perhaps the phone fills that little reassurance we need of a busy world. Over and above close connection with people we know, perhaps we need that ambient connection with our human tribe.’ I really felt this on maternity leave on the days, I didn’t get out to various mum and baby activities. And the fortunate thing with that time is I hat it’s recognised how lonely it can be so there is lots to do and connections to be made. But phone did sometimes feel like a piece of connecting to my old world. But then you look at your phone for too long and miss your baby looking at you and the enormous guilt is just awful. Kind of like the swimming lesson situation you talk about
Yeah it’s such a horrible feeling! I really appreciate all the activities organised for young children & parents as it helps you get that community and find what nice things you like to do with your children
It’s just so tough with very young children and phones. I remember when I used to be on my own looking after a young kid, very often I didn’t quite know what do with myself and the phone so easily occupied that space.
And the guilt almost becomes as much of a problem as the phone use.
Brilliant and read as always. Interesting yet unsurprising that initial feelings of loneliness were not caused by a lack of social interaction with other passengers, but rather a withdrawal symptom from phone usage
I love the idea that you went into this experiment expecting a romanticized, pre-phone history of chatty commuters, only for a Christian to burst that bubble with, “No, it’s always been pretty terrible.”
Your reflection on the phone acting as a digital "nightlight"offering us an ambient connection to the human tribe seems a ver accurate way to describe the modern itch to scroll.
It’s a really refreshing, grounded take on digital detoxing yet again.
That's funny, I also assumed the commute must have been so lively before phones haha! But I guess when you think about it, you're kind of trapped on the train, so starting a conversation is more of a risk.
Your observation about loneliness is interesting, it's like a snake eating it's tail. Our culture has become so isolating, so people look to their phones to ease the loneliness, but then all the time on the phone just worsens the loneliness and the cycle continues.
The thing about the parents is interesting too, the child looking to their parent who is staring at a phone. It's like a new form of neglect has emerged and become normalized.
Although reading it I realise I have - once again - written a very bleak post! The commute was terrible, it always was, phones trick you into magnifying loneliness and people are neglecting their kids. Crikey.
Absolutely fantastic read brother. Man...the section where you talked about Times Square in your pocket, as a way to be more connected to the tribe--and how when you shut it off, you are faced with being alone. Brilliant.
I told my wife, that in the past, I would often put on Standup comedy on YouTube or a podcast, just to feel like I was in the room with people, being part of a conversation. We do turn to it in a bid to stave off the loneliness. How awful, that it produces more loneliness on the whole. The creators of the smart phone and all the apps therein really stumbled upon the perfect business model. An infinite feedback loop.
I always look forward to your articles. It seem hyperbolic, but I truly believe you are doing one of the most important things right now. And your decision to do so---who knows how far it might ripple and effect others. And if enough of us do it, those ripples might turn into a tsunami.
That’s so extremely kind of you once again! Right back at you with your own writing.
Fascinating about the stand-up comedy observation. I truly believe understanding the (hundreds) of reasons why we pick up the thing isn’t just empowering - it’s also deeply interesting.
I guess we have always used technology to stave off loneliness. I’m sure for a century households used the radio this way. But it’s interesting to dissect the varying levels of ambient company one can get. The radio’s effect was probably quite mild and built over a long time. But some uses of the phone, like glancing at a full brightly-coloured feed, probably give that hit of reassurance in a split second.
So many things in here... the lonliness is accute in this world, increasing lack of basic social skills, sense of human connection, awareness of what is happening around us... so much.
It takes us into a deep place where we are asked by our acheing experience to question what has real importance and how we can rescue what is of value from the rubble of the seemlingly collapsing world.
These words may seem melancholic; I guess it's how your piece hit me this morning. The scene at at swimming lessons... eyes down, missing the proud seeking faces and the chances to support one another as parents.
On that note, years ago now I decided if I saw a new mum with a stroller alone at a park I would always say hi. Because any mum out with her baby wandering the streets is most likely exhausted and lonely too... and if she isn't, well say hi doesn't hurt does it?
So crazy how this world and the 8 billion of us can feel so alone, fearful of what might happen if we talk. But also... what magic might happen if we talk? What sparks of intelligence may arc? What healing might pass from the warmth of human kindness?
Keep going, Will. You never know what might get revealed from this experiment or who you might meet and connect with on the train, the street or even substack.
You know, I almost included a section on how this whole experiment has made me more inclined to seek out incidental conversations - it’s definitely lowered the bar to saying hello.
But it’s interesting… when you start getting taking interest in those micro-interactions, you see technology crowding them out everywhere - self-checkout machines etc.
It's a simple experiment, but with huge depth. Thank you again Will. I really am considering reverting to an old Nokia. The reflex to scroll is subconscious now.
That’s really interesting about the Nokia choice. A lot of people say that change is transformative. Would love to hear how you get on if you take the plunge.
I used to say I couldn’t get rid of the my phone (largely because of my job) and so my efforts were devoted to trying to live with the smartphone in a way that suited me.
But over time I’ve become so fascinated by the thing and its varied effects on the human mind, that curiosity is replacing hatred!
Wow! So much good stuff in this. I’m struck with the way we have made more choices to get where we are than we like to think. It’s like the line in The Watchmen. Two characters taking in the smoldering mess of society and one says to the other: “what happened to the America dream?”. Long pregnant pause, and the other character says; “it came true”. 🤷🏻♂️
So much great stuff in here but I just need to be silly for a second - Commuter Clubs!!!! I don’t even commute at the moment and I’d start just to join one of those 😁
This is such a powerful observation: ‘Perhaps the phone fills that little reassurance we need of a busy world. Over and above close connection with people we know, perhaps we need that ambient connection with our human tribe.’ I really felt this on maternity leave on the days, I didn’t get out to various mum and baby activities. And the fortunate thing with that time is I hat it’s recognised how lonely it can be so there is lots to do and connections to be made. But phone did sometimes feel like a piece of connecting to my old world. But then you look at your phone for too long and miss your baby looking at you and the enormous guilt is just awful. Kind of like the swimming lesson situation you talk about
Yeah it’s such a horrible feeling! I really appreciate all the activities organised for young children & parents as it helps you get that community and find what nice things you like to do with your children
Thank you!
It’s just so tough with very young children and phones. I remember when I used to be on my own looking after a young kid, very often I didn’t quite know what do with myself and the phone so easily occupied that space.
And the guilt almost becomes as much of a problem as the phone use.
Brilliant and read as always. Interesting yet unsurprising that initial feelings of loneliness were not caused by a lack of social interaction with other passengers, but rather a withdrawal symptom from phone usage
I love the idea that you went into this experiment expecting a romanticized, pre-phone history of chatty commuters, only for a Christian to burst that bubble with, “No, it’s always been pretty terrible.”
Your reflection on the phone acting as a digital "nightlight"offering us an ambient connection to the human tribe seems a ver accurate way to describe the modern itch to scroll.
It’s a really refreshing, grounded take on digital detoxing yet again.
One of my favourite reads always.
Thank you, hugely appreciated!
I cannot stress how thrilled I was to talk to Christian Wolmar. I’m a massive railway nerd and have read all his books.
Did you meet him on the train?
Ah sadly not! That would have been a dream….
That's funny, I also assumed the commute must have been so lively before phones haha! But I guess when you think about it, you're kind of trapped on the train, so starting a conversation is more of a risk.
Your observation about loneliness is interesting, it's like a snake eating it's tail. Our culture has become so isolating, so people look to their phones to ease the loneliness, but then all the time on the phone just worsens the loneliness and the cycle continues.
The thing about the parents is interesting too, the child looking to their parent who is staring at a phone. It's like a new form of neglect has emerged and become normalized.
Thank you so much for the comment!
Although reading it I realise I have - once again - written a very bleak post! The commute was terrible, it always was, phones trick you into magnifying loneliness and people are neglecting their kids. Crikey.
I really need to lighten up :-D
LOL don't worry, I can sense your positive vibes :D
Absolutely fantastic read brother. Man...the section where you talked about Times Square in your pocket, as a way to be more connected to the tribe--and how when you shut it off, you are faced with being alone. Brilliant.
I told my wife, that in the past, I would often put on Standup comedy on YouTube or a podcast, just to feel like I was in the room with people, being part of a conversation. We do turn to it in a bid to stave off the loneliness. How awful, that it produces more loneliness on the whole. The creators of the smart phone and all the apps therein really stumbled upon the perfect business model. An infinite feedback loop.
I always look forward to your articles. It seem hyperbolic, but I truly believe you are doing one of the most important things right now. And your decision to do so---who knows how far it might ripple and effect others. And if enough of us do it, those ripples might turn into a tsunami.
That’s so extremely kind of you once again! Right back at you with your own writing.
Fascinating about the stand-up comedy observation. I truly believe understanding the (hundreds) of reasons why we pick up the thing isn’t just empowering - it’s also deeply interesting.
I guess we have always used technology to stave off loneliness. I’m sure for a century households used the radio this way. But it’s interesting to dissect the varying levels of ambient company one can get. The radio’s effect was probably quite mild and built over a long time. But some uses of the phone, like glancing at a full brightly-coloured feed, probably give that hit of reassurance in a split second.
Dear Will,
So many things in here... the lonliness is accute in this world, increasing lack of basic social skills, sense of human connection, awareness of what is happening around us... so much.
It takes us into a deep place where we are asked by our acheing experience to question what has real importance and how we can rescue what is of value from the rubble of the seemlingly collapsing world.
These words may seem melancholic; I guess it's how your piece hit me this morning. The scene at at swimming lessons... eyes down, missing the proud seeking faces and the chances to support one another as parents.
On that note, years ago now I decided if I saw a new mum with a stroller alone at a park I would always say hi. Because any mum out with her baby wandering the streets is most likely exhausted and lonely too... and if she isn't, well say hi doesn't hurt does it?
So crazy how this world and the 8 billion of us can feel so alone, fearful of what might happen if we talk. But also... what magic might happen if we talk? What sparks of intelligence may arc? What healing might pass from the warmth of human kindness?
Keep going, Will. You never know what might get revealed from this experiment or who you might meet and connect with on the train, the street or even substack.
😊
Thank you!
You know, I almost included a section on how this whole experiment has made me more inclined to seek out incidental conversations - it’s definitely lowered the bar to saying hello.
But it’s interesting… when you start getting taking interest in those micro-interactions, you see technology crowding them out everywhere - self-checkout machines etc.
Absolutely.... I always go to THE PERSON every time!
It's a simple experiment, but with huge depth. Thank you again Will. I really am considering reverting to an old Nokia. The reflex to scroll is subconscious now.
Thank you!
That’s really interesting about the Nokia choice. A lot of people say that change is transformative. Would love to hear how you get on if you take the plunge.
I used to say I couldn’t get rid of the my phone (largely because of my job) and so my efforts were devoted to trying to live with the smartphone in a way that suited me.
But over time I’ve become so fascinated by the thing and its varied effects on the human mind, that curiosity is replacing hatred!
Early day loneliness would be my likely experience. Which is telling on the source and depth of my ‘connections’. 😔 oof
Such a profound point.
You are certainly not alone in that. I suspect we’ve made a lonely world - I read a great piece on After Babel about this not long ago.
It takes real courage to sit in that silence and audit those connections - I’m sure it’s a vital recalibration we all need to go through.
link?
hopefully you can see here https://jonathanhaidt.substack.com/p/scrolling-alone?r=712j8x&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
Wow! So much good stuff in this. I’m struck with the way we have made more choices to get where we are than we like to think. It’s like the line in The Watchmen. Two characters taking in the smoldering mess of society and one says to the other: “what happened to the America dream?”. Long pregnant pause, and the other character says; “it came true”. 🤷🏻♂️
So much great stuff in here but I just need to be silly for a second - Commuter Clubs!!!! I don’t even commute at the moment and I’d start just to join one of those 😁